Finally, I can stop being a jerk!

I've been on this rant lately and it's about time to get off that horse. (You know, the high-horse). I'm not quite sure what that means but I think the average reader can follow me.

I've been very interested in social justice issues and I will always be because I believe that Christ was very much in tune with such issues. In my own efforts to better educate myself on some of these issues and Christian response, I've come across the ONE campaign and Sojourners. Bono and Jim asked me to specifically mention the websites because they know how much traffic my blog generates. Ha. Anyway, somewhere along the way I really began to hunger for justice more than ever. Along with justice comes accountability and that's where I began to harp. Before I knew it, I was condemning everyone around me by their actions. I wasn't condemning out of hate or dislike, but I think it was because I allowed my eyes to be opened in a new way to valid social issues.

This was especially evident in my driving. On the one hand, I try my best to be courteous and defensive, always looking out for others. I switch lanes when I pass a pedestrian or cyclist as a way to show them courtesy...and just to be safe, because you never know what might happen that would could cause me to hit them or them to fall into my path. After thinking about someone other than myself, it just made sense to me to practice courtesy behind the wheel-and always be mindful of how others perceive my driving...especially from a safety prospective.
On the other hand, I was quick to tell many other drivers where they have erred. One time, this kid passed me on Sayles Blvd. in Abilene. I was doing 35, which was the speed limit and I guarantee you he was doing 60+. I took it into my own hands to follow that idiot. Now, being from Abilene, I'm familiar with the cruising scene enough to know that he was probably headed to Sonic on N. 1st. I didn't speed, and I followed all traffic laws on the way to Sonic...so as not to spoil my own driving "witness." I spotted the kid at Sonic...already sipping on his Cherry Vanilla DP, or whatever(I just wanted to show you how long he had been there before I arrived to bring home the point about how fast he was driving). I blocked in his truck and dialed up the APD. Yep, I was going to teach that punk a lesson. He came over to the car and I began to lay into him about how he could have killed someone and if I ever caught him doing it again I would...then I remembered that I was on the phone with the dispatch officer from APD...so I finished my threat with a stern "...well, you'll be sorry."

I've had similar reactions toward fat, rich, ego-centric Americans in general, except I called God directly to point out their gluttonous ways. Some of my study caused me to latch on to Campolo and Sider and I've yet to look back. Though I still haven't finished Sider's book because I've been sidetracked by this one and this one. As my eyes were being opened to my own short-comings, I was also becoming more aware of the common sins of the average Christian. I guess I wasn't becoming more aware of them, I mean we've been pretty blatant as Christians with our sins against culture and humanity as a whole, so much as I was becoming fed up. I wanted to be different and I was tired of being identified with a bunch of un-loving, self-seeking, so-called God-lovers. I wanted so much to be my own Christian, to break free from the mold of American Christianity and show the world that "we're not all like that." I was ready to do this one mercedes and 3 lb. hamburger at a time.

The problem is that I became the very thing I was trying to fight against...a hateful Christian, basically. I didn't hate the homeless or poor or homosexual, in an ironic change of heart I actually loved those people...I hated the self-righteous and self-seeking Christianity that seems to plague our churches today. I tried to compartmentalize and love the "sinners" while hating those who I felt were tearing apart the message of Christ, but called themselves believers. I literally could extend more love and compassion to Saddam Hussein than my baptist brother who happened to fall a little further right than me on the scale.

In the last week, I think I've finally realized how much of my life was effected by this "quest for justice." I had become so bitter, so anti-system and "stick it to the man" that I totally glossed over the fact that I was basically hating my brothers and sisters.

In addition to all that, I began to take on a victim complex and my cynicism grew out of control. I trusted no one and anyone that had previously been the object of my "justice thoughts" was removed from my circle of friends. After all, they had wronged someone in some way and sold out to money or power or whatever the case may have been. Hate continued to grow.

I have to tell you, I never said "I hate so-and-so," that would be too obvious and my mind was able to distinguish that using the word hate was just going too far. But by continuing to doubt these people, I was essentially hating them because I just wouldn't...I just couldn't give them another chance because of their narrow-mindedness or their abusive actions, whatever the case may have been. In my mind, justice had no room for such failures. Were these people wrong? In most cases, yeah, they were wrong. But I was wrong too because my silent crusade (that means I condemned them in my head and secretly wrote off everything they said from that point on as BS) sowed a bitter spirit that in turn began to overflow into all areas of my life. I didn't want to extend a helping hand to the poor, because I already did more for the poor than 99% of people I know. You follow me here?

Well, like I said earlier...I'm coming out of that stage. I'm realizing while my concern for the poor and for justice to be served and offenders to be held accountable is a noble and worthy task...I could never achieve anything with my former approach. There will always be another careless teenager driving way too fast and there will always be another judgmental Christian condemning people right and left. It just makes me so mad sometimes to see how we blatantly neglect the most obvious needs of our fellow citizen for our own agenda. My new approach is to try and extend love to the offender and the victim. I have to act out of love to all people. I must extend the same amount of love and grace to the fundamentalist as I do to the rapist, if I don't, then I believe my love that was extended to one is nullified by the hate I've so willingly given the other.

I want to learn to love people again, to truly love them.
I want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I want to love them when I disagree.
I want to shut up because making my point in an argument is not more important than a person.
I want to feel the hurts and pains of others so I can better understand them.
I want to always be willing to see something from another's point of view.

Less 4 teeth

Mike finally had the teeth removed late last week. They were able to remove all four teeth during the surgery! Mike is recovering well.

Leading up to the surgery, they took him off Coumadin and started Lovinox shots. After the surgery, they put him back on Coumadin, and though his levels were a little low, they should be back within the preferred range.

The oral surgeon has released Mike from his care and is confident that there will be no infection. Once he is healed completely, he will have the heart surgery.

The insurance company is denying payment right now...they're saying that his stroke due to a pre-existing condition. I assume they'll peruse his medical records to try and find anything that they could use to prevent them from having to pay their portion. That's a big surprise.

That's the short update. I'll try to post more soon.

Debt Reduction Progress

Last night, I reviewed our debt situation in detail to see how far we've come in the last couple of years. This morning, I started an email to a couple of friends and family members about how well we've been doing. I also found an MS Excel calculator for debt reduction and wanted to send to a few people. Anyway, I started writing the email and it just kept getting longer. After I finished, I kept adding more friends and family that might benefit from our story. All this to say, I've decided to post the email here for you all to see. If you want a copy of the debt calculator, just let me know and I'll email it to you.

Hello friends and family,

I found a super-handy debt calculator for excel and I’ve attached it to this email. Just enter your debts, the rate and payment. Then, enter your total monthly payment including any extra you can pay towards those debts and it spits out some sweet, though depressing data. I’m no Dave Ramsey disciple, in fact, I think he’s a cocky punk, so don’t worry about me going all militant on you to get of debt. I just found a useful tool that I wanted to share.

Here’s some motivation for you:

Me and Danyel decided to put some effort into getting out of debt about 2 years ago, actually, a little less than two years. We have a huge amount of school loans, so much that I’m embarrassed to say. Anyway, we made a conscious effort to pay down our debts. We created a budget to get an idea where our money was going and we were shocked how much we waste. We made room to pay $500-$1000 a month more than our minimum payments and the results have been huge. I’ll outline some of the facts below:

-We’ve reduced our debts by $25,000 in under two years

-We still buy just about anything we want (bikes, cameras, etc.), but we think about each purchase more and credit cards are NOT an option.

-We still go out to eat (too much, in fact)

-We don’t alienate our friends by playing the “budget card” when we go out together

-We do suggest more cost-effective entertainment options

-Our only debt now is school loans

-Some debt was eliminated by getting rid of car payments

-We have a $8000 Honda that’s paid off

-We’ve saved between $5000-$10,000 dollars in interest charges

-If we stick to our 5-year plan, we’ll save $25,000 more in interest.

For those of you who know me, you know that I’m no budget Nazi, in fact, I’m very much the opposite. I don’t believe in a one-plan-fits-all mentality. I DO believe that we each have to find our own way and create a system to curb our spending and pay some stuff off. If it’s not your system and your approach, then I doubt you’ll be able to stick to it. So, use good resources like this calculator, maybe read Dave Ramsey’s book, whatever you need to do. Then formulate a plan and try for a little while…it’s quite liberating and it’s easier than you think. Realistically, we’ll have those school loans paid off in 5 years, but our goal is 3 years. Neither one of us make a lot of money, but we’re committed to freeing ourselves from huge, useless debt and freeing up that cash to do what we really want to do. Imagine having $2000 extra per month to spend on the house or invest, or vacation or whatever.

I love running the numbers through these calculators and saying, “what if I pay x amount of dollars per month…then when will I have it paid off.” I think you will too, when you realize that paying things off is actually in your reach. I know of very few people who have more debt than us and we’ve been able to achieve a respectable amount of reduction in just two years. I promise, you can do it. I’m willing to sit down with any of you and help you with a plan, even show you ours…I promise, your jaws will drop when you see our debt!

Okay, I’m off my soap box now. I’ll shut up.

-br

PS-If you’re wondering why I sent you this email, I just started adding people from my address book.

Are those teeth ever coming out?

Mike was scheduled to have his first round of extractions today. However, after having his blood drawn yesterday, his coumadin levels are too high and his blood is too thin to proceed with the surgery-once again. Mike will be seeing the Abilene hematologist here soon. He will be working on regulating the levels of coumadin in Mike's blood so that they can eventually proceed with the extractions. We're hoping that having a team of local doctors will help get the ball rolling on Mike's surgeries. I'll keep you updated.

Oral surgery postponed again

Mike was scheduled to have his first wisdom tooth removed this morning, but that appointment has been canceled due to his blood test from yesterday. Leading up to each of these surgeries, Mike has to have his blood drawn the day before to test the clotting. I forget the name of the test, but his levels were too high. This is another way of saying his blood is too thin and the risk of bleeding is high.
If you remember from last week, the Rx wasn't ready causing Mike to miss his appointment. This morning, they originally told mom that they couldn't reschedule until November 6th. However, with a little prodding from mom, the nurse is "checking into it."
On another note, Mike's family doctor here in Abilene suggested that Mike see a hematologist here to help ease the communication between the doctors in Abilene and those in Dallas. Additionally, he thought it was a good idea to have a hematologist in town in case Mike were to have complications with the tooth extractions. Mom asked the family doctor what his opinion was about Mike's clotting disorder (prothrombin mutation type II) and the family doctor wasn't even aware of the condition. I don't understand why it's so hard for the doctor's offices to communicate. They don't send records to one another, even after we request it. The lose records, they all tell you something different, they force you into appointments on their schedule, they charge whatever they want...Anyway, how can you have faith in these doctors when the medical system in America as a whole is so screwed up?!? It's utterly ridiculous. I obviously have my opinions on the matter, but I'll save the rest of those for later.
Hopefully I didn't forget anything on this update. I'll keep posting as I get information.

Mike still has his teeth

The wisdom tooth extraction has been rescheduled for Wednesday October 24th. After arriving at the doctor today, Mike was informed that he would have to have the mouthwash Rx filled before they proceed with the extraction. After calling the pharmacy, they were informed that the supplies would need to be ordered and the mouthwash will be mixed when they receive the order. Mike said that the oral surgeon plans on getting two of the wisdom teeth next Wednesday. That's about all I know.

Oh, Mike called me to give the update and acted like he had just had the extraction. It was funny and I fell for it, especially considering all the drugs they give you at the dentist! Anyway, Mike got one over on me, but I couldn't stop laughing at him because I really thought he was loopy.

First Wisdom tooth being removed

Mike is scheduled to have his first wisdom tooth removed this morning at 10:45a. His appointment went well on Tuesday, they were able to complete the fillings. Today, he goes to get blood work done first, then if the coumadin levels are within the specified range, they will proceed with the removal of the tooth. Mike is still taking the coumadin (blood thinner) and that is the major concern about today's surgery. They are giving him a special mouthwash that they expect to stop the bleeding. We're a little anxious about this mouthwash and hope it performs up to it's ridiculously expensive price tag!

Provided Mike's body handles this extraction well, he'll be scheduled to have the other teeth removed. At that point, he'll have to wait at least 6 weeks before the heart surgery can be performed. Please join me in praying for Mike this morning. I'll post an update as soon as I know something.

4 fillings today

Mike is going in to the dentist for 4 fillings today. I'll keep you updated on that. Also, he is scheduled for the first extraction of that abscessed wisdom tooth on Thursday. If that one goes well, they are going to pull 2 other wisdom teeth and one more tooth that is next to the wisdom tooth, I'm assuming that's a molar?
The reason they are doing all of this dental work is twofold. One, they have to take all precautions necessary to insure that they minimize the risk of infection leading up to the heart surgery. Any form of infection in his teeth could have adverse effects on his recovery from the heart surgery. Two, he will not be able to have additional dental work done until at least 6 months after the heart surgery, so they want to do it now.

Toothache, to say the least...

Mike visited the oral surgeon today. The oral surgeon will not perform the surgery unless Mike stays on the coumadin, after conferring with the cardiologist and his family doctor. Basically they will remove the tooth and then use a special medicine to stop the bleeding. The medicine is called (something) acid. The oral surgeon has only used it once, but he thinks that it will stop the bleeding. Basically, the medicine is some kind of expensive mouthwash that Mike will have to use 4 times daily during the days following the surgery.

In addition to the wisdom tooth, Mike has 3 other teeth that need attention. The oral surgeon said that each of them will have to be looked at before the heart surgery can be scheduled. Each tooth runs about the same risk of infection as his wisdom tooth does, according to the doctor. The doctor thinks that he will be able to save the teeth, at least for now. The plan at this point is to extract the wisdom tooth and see how Mike's body handles it, paying special attention to the bleeding, obviously. After the wisdom tooth is taken care of, the oral surgeon will proceed with addressing the other teeth, but his treatment will depend on Mike's reaction to the first extraction. The wisdom tooth is scheduled to be extracted on October 18th, though it could be delayed until early the following week, we're not sure about that yet.

November 27 is the date that the skin cancer will need to be removed, but, once again, that depends on the outcome at the oral surgeon's office.

Mike is depressed of this recent news. He's going through a lot of pain and is uneasy about his heart condition. The last week has brought a lot of answers, but it has also initiated another waiting period. I know it must be agonizing having to wait on everyone else to decide when they can treat you and how-each decision being a major factor in your own quality of life and health. Mike is beaten down and struggling, I know that he could use a phone call of encouragement, if you have the time.

Please pray that my role will be clearly defined in all this. I want to be as supportive as I can, but I want to concentrate on the right things. For now, I just need to love on that boy and encourage him, he's got a whole world of pressure on him right now. I better go for now. As always, ask questions if you have them and I'm sure mom will help clarify what I've written above as well.

Prothrombin Mutation test positive

Mike got a call from the hematologist's nurse in Dallas this afternoon. And what do you know...he tested positive for Prothrombin Mutation. A quick search on Google produced this article.

The nurse said that it should not affect the surgery, but we're not too sure until we are able to talk to the hematologist and cardiologist. This particular mutation is said to increase the risk of PE (pulmonary embolism) and DVT (deep vein thrombosis). Mike most likely would have had a PE if he didn't have the hole in his heart (PFO).

If you all remember me talking about my cousin Nicholas a couple of weeks ago, you'll remember that he had a PE. I can't remember if I wrote this but Nicholas had a PFO as well, but it was fixed when he was little, from what I understand. This makes perfect sense why the clot traveled to his lungs. Put these two cases together and now we know why Mike's clot went to the brain.

Once again, this is a lot of speculation on my part, but with my understanding of things so far...it seems to be a logical conclusion. I know that we tend to over-diagnose ourselves when we have such wide-spread access to all these medical articles. However, I reserve that the right to theorize if I want! Just to be clear.

All that said, it begins to make sense why mom has had clotting issues in the past. Possibly why my grandpa had early heart attacks. Maybe why miscarriages have been rampant in my family. Maybe my headaches. Maybe dad's headaches.

I don't know and I realize that I'm over-reacting a bit, but what in the world are we supposed to do? I know, I know, trust that the Lord is in control. Well, I do, but it doesn't keep worries from creeping in. I just have to keep all these theories in check and not let them get out of hand too much. Quality of life is something that I feel I have control over, unlike quality of health. I guess I'll try to concentrate on making life meaningful, memorable and enjoyable for me and those around. So, if you catch me making your life hell, I give you permission to call me on it. But be warned, I'm ready to call you on it too.
Good evening.